A little bit of this and a little bit of that.....

Sorry for the lack of posts lately...  I have been so busy I don't know if I'm coming or going some nights.. and it's not like I try to do a million things, it's just that work is always super busy at the end of the year, coupled with all the extra work events going on and fitting in some Christmas stuff for us inbetween makes for very busy weeks!

So where to start...

The 25 days of Christmas have been a lot of fun!  Matthew is probably a bit young to care if we do an activity every day, but he sure loves getting his letter every morning from Crinkle. 

last weekend we visited Santa at the mall.  I was determined we would see our favourite Santa, so we had to endure almost an hour and a half in line... luckily Matthew was well entertained so he didn't even notice!

We also had Darren's work Christmas party last week.  It was a lot of fun!  This year they did it completely different than the traditional sit down dinner and served everything in little stations so you had to walk from one to the next to complete your meal.  My favourite was the Martini potato bar.. I'll have to do that for a party some day!

I got in a session of Dashing Dishes last week... Have you ever done them?  They are a life saver and I look forward to going and assembling my dishes every month!

We also had a girls night at work last week... it was a lot of fun to get together with just all the women who work on the 3rd floor of our office building... I think they should open it up to all women next year.. us girls don't do enough stuff like that where it's just us and no guys!

I tackled Cross Iron Mills last night.  I hadn't been there yet.  For those of you who don't know, it is a mega mall that opened up North of Calgary.  I fell in love with it!  I love shopping where everything is nice and new and the stores are huge and there is just about every store you could want in one place!  It is my new go to place for sure.. and I walked the whole mall in under 2 hours (that must be a record)... although when you have to walk as far as you do carrying as many bags as I had, I had to wonder if I could go into business renting little scooters out to people.  Seriously, I'd make a killing.

Matthew finished his last class of 2009 this morning at "school" ... they got to pretend to be Santa Claus sneaking around and reindeer prancing around and had a lot of fun!

And today Matthew informed me Santa is coming "all the way from the North Pool!!"...  I couldn't stop giggling....

If only it were that easy...

M woke up this morning and called me into his room as he does every day.  I try to tell him it's still night time and he has to sleep for a little bit longer, but it never works!  So, he ends up telling me all kinds of random thigns while we lay there.

This morning:

m:  After my nap I want to go on a trip to a hotel!

m:  uh..... yep, Boston!  I want to go to Boston!

M:  Buddy, Boston is pretty far away

m:  no it isn't!  It's 47....  uh.. it's just by the other hotel by my house!  It's not far...

I hear ya buddy....

I wish we didn't have to look at this either..

and were still looking at this instead!

Dear Matthew....

Here is Mr. M and his Christmas Mailbox.  Yeah, I know it's pretty pathetic so far, but we haven't had a chance to make it all Christmassy yet.  I think Crinkle might bring some stickers tomorrow to help us decorate it!

On the second day of Christmas....

Matthew got his first letter from Crinkle, the Christmas elf!  It read:

Dear Matthew,

Hi!  My name is Crinkle.  I am an elf and I live at the North Pole with Santa.  Your Mommy asked if I could come and bring you a letter every night until Christmas so that your family can do all sorts of fun Christmassy things together.   I hope you will enjoy getting my letters in the mailbox each morning!  Today, I would like you and Nana to make some snowflakes so that you and Mommy can decorate the house with them later.

love,
Crinkle

So, Nana apparently didn't read the letter quite right and thought that Crinkle wanted Mommy to make the snowflakes so she got all the paper ready but they didn't make any!  Doh!!  We ran out of time in the evening, but we did manage to get our tree up (literally, just the tree... decorating was to be the next day!)

On the third day of Christmas..

Matthew got another letter!  It read:

Dear Matthew,

Did you put up your tree last night?  It is very beautiful!  I hope you ahve fun today.  I would like you and Mommy to make gingerbread cookies!  Tomorrow I will have a new surprise for you.

Love,
Crinkle

So Gingerbread cookies it was! Mommy and Matthew had lots of fun making cookies together as we always do.  This time, Matthew discovered that cookie dough is even yummier before it goes in the oven :O)  adn as always, there was more flour on the cupboard and kitchen than there was in the cookies!

Cutting the shapes out

Gingerbread Men of course!

Tasting the final product :o)

Together,  I must admit, Matthew and I ate almost the whole batch throughout the day!  We rounded off our night by watching Franklin's Christmas special on T.V.  I couldn't have asked for a better night than to be cozied up under a blanket with my baby :O)

On the Fourth Day of Christmas....

Yep, another letter was waiting!  This time, Crinkle brought a little Snowman ornament for Matthew to keep on the shelf.  His letter read:

Dear Matthew,

Brr... it was cold flying here last night!  There is going to be a big snowstorm tonight so make sure you stay home cozy with Mommy and Daddy!  Did you have fun watching the Franklin movie last night?  I watched it at Santa's workshop too!   Today, I want you to paint me a Christmas picture.  Here is a present from me!

Love,
Crinkle

Matthew thought it was pretty cool that Crinkle watched the same movie as he did up at the North Pole!  Crinkle was right, it sure was a miserably cold day yesterday!  Mommy had planned to do a big shopping trip to Cross Iron Mills since she missed her trip to Vancouver, but it wasn't meant to be either. 

For some reason, I always feel like cooking when the weather gets ugly... So, at 9am , when the big flakes were already starting to fall, I darted over to Sobey's and loaded up on some essentials to make some freezable dishes.  After a full day's work, I accomplished 30 cups of chicken broth, a huge bowl of chili and a batch of spaghetti sauce! 

Matthew watched The Little Drummer Boy on TV, and learned more about the baby Jesus.   Which I'm hoping is why at bedtime, out of the blue, he said:

m:  Do you remember when I was born?

M:  Of course (um, pretty sure I was there.. (I didn't say that though))

m:  When I was born, everyone was sooo happy and they all brought me presents!

uh huh... maybe we better work on the baby Jesus a bit more....


So today is the 5th Day of Christmas...

We managed to sleep a bit although the house was rockin' and rollin' to the windstorm all night long.  I looked out the window in the morning and thought.. hmm... I can see the grass in the backyard, we couldn't have gotten that much snow.... Only to find out that all of it was up against the side of our house thus requiring hubby to shovel for an hour so that I could later get out of the garage!

And of course, there was a letter from Crinkle this morning, but you'll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out what he said!

Tomorrow we are venturing out to Daddy's kids' Christmas party... cross your fingers it isn't -30 in the morning!

The 25 Days of Christmas - Day 1

So today, at precisely 10:43 a.m., when I was supposed to be working, but actually was taking a little blog break and catching up on a few blogs, I came across a few bloggy moms who were writing about the 25 days of Christmas starting!

Oh Junebugs! (as Matthew would say).... I had first seen the 25 days of Christmas last year and decided that it was something that I wanted to do with Matthew this year for 1 reason:  Christmas always comes so darn fast and goes so quickly.. and I wanted a way to savour the Christmas spirit for longer....

But then I forgot about it for the next 340 days!  And Oh Junebugs!  I just remembered today...

So the wheels in my brain started turning as fast as they could!

We enjoyed learning about the advent calendar today and Matthew was super excited when he foudn out there was chocolate behind Number 1!

We then got to work on making our mailbox.  You see, Mommy explained that because Matthew has been such a good boy lately (and Mommy was thrilled that he went to daycare yesterday without any tears!!) that one of Santa's little elves, named Crinkle, was going to come visit our house ever night until Christmas and bring Matthew a letter!

So you can imagine that naturally led to being asked 50+ times how Crinkle was going to get here (fly his airplane of course) and then where the airplane was going to land (on the roof because it's easier)... and how he was going to get into the house (he's magic)...

So tune in to see what Crinkle has in store for us over the next 25 days

and of course, I did have a picture, but Blogger has other ideas about me posting it this morning, so I will try again later tonight.

and yes, I probably will go crazy trying to think of activities over the next 25 days, but the excitement and 100 questions about Crinkle that already came tonight are going to be well worth it!

Bring it home Boys!!!

Phew! Much better....

Ok, so apparently I am the only one who must have days like yesterday since no one else left me a comment....

Regardless, today was a much better day!  I am over the moon happy that my mom is here for a few days and that means just a little bit more me time while Matthew gets extra spoiled ;o)

Forgot to mention in my rant yesterday that we had a wonderful little getaway to Edmonton on the weekend!  We visited with friends, went to the mall to go on rides, saw a hockey game and spent lots of quality family time together... hopefully I will get a chance to blog about it very soon....

And isn't it great that we have weather that still allows us to see these?  Can't believe it's Nov 25 tomorrow and +8... I guess this is one time I won't complain about global warming!

There are Days Like Today

There are days like today when all I want to do is run away... far, far away....

Do you other moms out there have days like today?  A day when it seems like all you can see is every inch of dirt in your house.  A day when you want to hire every housekeeper that you could find because you feel like you're just going up the escalator the wrong way.

Today was one of those days.

Some days, I just can't do it.  There is a lot of stress at work right now.  Things getting shuffled, people getting moved.... change.  And don't we all love change.    Come home, see mess.  Child wants to play.  Feel torn between going to play and going to clean.

aargh....

Mondays are especially nuts days because I throw piano lessons into the mix.  Well then why do you do it you might ask?   Because not every day is like today.  I teach only because I love teaching.  Not because I need the money because 2 hours a week doesn't buy me much.  But I always wanted to be a teacher, and some eensy weensy part of me regrets not doing that and this is how I compromise.  I really do love it and I really do love my kids.

But there are days like today when all I want to do is run away... far, far away....

When I put M to bed, he tells me that he "wants to have a short nap so we can play" and "what do you want to do when I wake up??"  This question tears my heart out every time because the next sentence has to be "sweetie, Mommy has to work tomorrow", which is followed by "I don't like it when Mommy works.  It makes me sad..."

So why don't I just quit work then, you might ask?   Because I love my job.  Because I don't think I would be a whole person if I couldn't satisfy that part of my life that craves the challenges and makes my brain grind.   Does that make me less of a mom?  I hope not. 

But there are days like today when all I want to do is run away, far, far away.....

So, I am asking you, other moms out there, to tell me... how do you do it?  And do you ever feel like you want to run far, far away?   Maybe I'm the only one out there who feels like this, particularly around the 3rd week of every month (get my drift?) but I suspect not.

I do everything I do because it makes me who I am.  I give 110% of my energy to M when I can because I love him more than anything in the world.  I give my energy to my husband because I love him more than anything in the world.  I give my energy to my job because I love the satisfaction my job gives me.  I give my energy to my passions - to piano, to photography, to cooking, to gardening, because they make me whole. 

My challenge is only to figure out how to divide up the pie each and every day and that, my friends, is something I'm still learning.  There may be days like today when I want to run away, but really, in the end, I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world. 

There are days like today when I want to run far, far away... but they are luckily few and far between and even if I do run away, by tomorrow, I'll want to come back.

Sunday Chinook

Today was a Chinook day which meant 2 things....

1) the weather was warm enough to finally get the rest of the backyard cleaned up for winter.

2) I'd have a headache.. it's the small price you have to pay for the nice weather.

Anyhow,  today's chinook had quite the arch, so I photosynthed it here:

Chinook Arch

Pretty cool eh?


M and I took advantage of the warm weather today and decided we would finish cleaning up Mommy's flower beds!

Not long after we got outside, M's friend Miss M and her Mom and Dad came by our house on a walk. Miss M decided she wanted to stay, so M and I said "sure!" and her Mom and Dad kept walking..

So what do you do when you have two 2 year olds in the backyard? Put them to work naturally!! Raking, digging, collecting leaves... whatever kept them busy!





Don't worry though, it wasn't all work, we had some fun playtime on the swingset too!





But, like all Chinook days, eventually the wind picks up a little too much, and it's time to go inside...

But who's going to complain when on November 15... there's still no SNOW!

Today Just Sucked

In the 10 years I've been in the workforce now, I'd not yet encountered a day like today.

A black Friday   err Thursday.

I felt sick when I realized it was happening.

I felt horrible for those it was happening to.

I felt angry and frustrated knowing why this had to happen but wishing there could have been some other way.

I was thanking my lucky stars inside that I was spared.

And now I just feel sad.  And I am sorry.. so sorry to those it happened to.

In my spare time....

in my spare time, I like to take pictures.... in fact I love editing pictures more than I love taking them.  I guess it's where I release all of my creative energy  :o)

anyhow, I finally have our website somewhat close to finished, so I thought I'd share it with you..

Ever After Images

And I couldn't help but share these pics with you... this little guy was an absolute cutie and quite well behaved for the camera too!

Better Late than Never

...Sorry, the Hallowe'en pics didn't make it up as quick as I would have liked.

We did have a fabulous Hallowe'en. M had so much fun that he didn't even mind when I left him at the neighbours by himself for 10 minutes!

He collected a pail full of candy which thankfully he forgot about the next day when the Hallowe'en stuff went back into the bin for next year.

It was a bit hard trying to explain to him that he had to wait an entire year to go trick or treating again though!

Here I am!

Finishing Touches...

Make sure the Jack-O-Lantern is working!

Don't forget the balloons you promised your friends!

And off we go!

He refused to wear a buzz...

Let me start this post by clarifying a "buzz" is a nighttime pull-up with a picture of Buzz Lightyear on it.

Last night, after a meltdown because he didn't want to go to bed and the fact that we had company over, I gave in to the fact he refused to put a pull up on and put extra pads on his bed and said, "ok, we'll see you in the morning"....

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up a million times thinking "has he already peed? Is the bed wet?" So upon hearing him at 6:30 this morning, I bolted to his room, thinking maybe, just maybe, he's still holding it, but I knew better.

Nope. Shirt, socks, jammies, bed, all wet. Good thing it's sheet washing day.

Now, I'm not the one saying he doesn't still need a pull-up at night. I know very well he does. But he doesn't understand why he can wear big boy undies in the day and has to have a pull-up at night. What to do? Let's just hope this is a very short lived protest because I ain't doing laundry every 24 hours.

Back to School Jitters

Today is my first day back to work in over a month... A month doesn't seem that long, but it's long enough to feel like I'm out of the loop on everything and I already forgot how to do my job! (which I know I didn't)...

Yep, I feel exactly like I'm in grade 4. I was up at 4am. Not by choice. Thanks to Mr. M. Tonight I teach piano, so this should be a marathon day!

Wish me luck.

It's only 6:15?? Yipee!!!

Ok, so I completely forgot that we changed the clocks last night... I love when the clocks fall back! It's that little gift that you never get the other 364 days of the year when you look at the clock.

I awoke at 7:15 today and suddenly nudged D... "did you set the clocks back?"... "no.." he answered...

"that means it's really only 6:15?!?!?!"

Now normally, that would mean I would be thrilled that I could sleep in longer! I'll be wishing that next Sunday, but since I've had a month of good sleeps, instead I thought... "yes, an extra hour to get stuff done!"

I got myself into the middle of a bunch of organizing projects as you might remember.. Well, now there are bits and bites here and there to finish.

Hopefully today, and hopefully I can show off the hard work soon!

Happy Sunday! (Oh and happy belated Hallowe'en).. pics of our adventures to come soon.

Really, am I that bad?

Today as I pulled out the vacuum to clean up, M said completely out of the blue and in these exact words...

"Why? Who's coming over?"

Really, I do clean more often than when company is coming over, really I do.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you be?



This is where I would be.

The hills are green, there is a mist in the air and not a car for miles and miles. I was lucky enough to visit this place called Gimmewald, Switzerland in 2003.

I have never felt such peace in my life as I did sitting on the edge of this little meadow, gazing into the mountains afar and the valley below.

Now granted, at some point, I would want to take the train back to civilization and get a Starbucks or something, but I would love a little mountain hideway, way, way up.

Someday, little Gimmewald, you and I will meet again!

Something new and a Wordless Wednesday

Hop on over to

Continuously Chasing Crumbs

to see for yourself!



"Dr. Dr. give me the news..."

The H1N1 Debate

Disclaimer: I completely respect the opinions and decisions of all parents as to whether or not to vaccinate their kids. Below is solely written based upon my experience and opinions.

Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I?

Remember when you played that game where you picked the petals? That's how I was feeling for the last while. Not sure whether or not we should get the flu shots.

In the end, we did get the shots... yesterday.

My decision weighed on a few things.

There have always been and will always be cases of people who have bad reactions to flu shots. I have read everything about things that can happen now, things that can happen later, etc. etc.

I would not intentionally give my child a medication or vaccine needlessly unless I thought there was a very good reason to.

Yes, the H1N1 is just a flu strain. But a nasty one. And I don't want to get it and be off work for a month. And I don't want to have a child who ends up in the hospital. So for me, the risk is greater that that could happen considering how easily it can be transmitted in the air through droplets when you don't even realize they are there. And even though my child doesn't go out much. It would only take one trip to the park or to the shopping mall to potentially catch it.

Cross my fingers. I hope that this isn't the case for us or anyone else. But who knows what the reality will be.

I have been informed from all sides I think:

~ I've read every article I've seen, watched all the TV posts, read about all the claims that the swine flu was developed by the government for population control, watched how it may cause neurological disorders. You name it, I watched and noted.

~ I spoke with my naturopathic doctor. Her opinion was that your body can fight it off itself.

~ I spoke to Matthew's pediatrician. He felt that he's seen cases in the city with really sick kids and parents have to weigh the risks of the shot vs the risks of getting the flu.

~ I spoke with an aquaintance who is an immunologist. She knows the science facts down to the details and studied them enough to get a master's in well, vaccines. She was vaccinating her kids ASAP.

~ I spoke with doctor's in the family who say most likely you will recover fine, but it's nasty and with little kids, you just don't know what their little bodies will do.

I saw how sick we all got last year and how sick poor little M was from just a regular old flu.

For me, the risk that M could get hospitalized outweighs the chance that something could happen from the vaccine. For this year, anyway. In another year, with milder strains, I might not choose to get him vaccinated. We didn't last year. But we did this year.

Healing

***Warning*** This is one of those posts that's intended for me, not you, so here's your out if you don't want to read... I am needing to write this morning.

For the most part, I feel much better. I feel like I am back to my regular self during the day. It's just at night, when I lay down to fall asleep, that that little weight plops itself right on my heart and just won't go away. I know, that still just takes time.

What worries me more though, is that I wake up at night with that same gut-wrenching feeling that I had that night, waking up at 3am and realizing that you're bleeding. I've never felt anything like it before. It is horrible. And it comes back to visit.

As much as I want to and know I will get pregnant again, I am scard to. I am scared that I won't enjoy the next pregnancy because I will worry about every single little twinge. I will be scared to experience that gut wrenching feeling again for real. I tell myself that chances are, everything will be fine next time. I tell myself that I felt twinges with M and he was perfectly fine. But I'm not sure I will believe myself. That, I'm just not sure how to fix.

No Nap?

I think yesterday was the first day in, well, as long as I can remember that M did not have a nap. I mean NO nap at all.. not even 2 minutes, and he did great! (But that sure doesn't mean we're no-napping from now on, no siree)

It was a no-nap day because we had an appointment with the pediatrician. In Alberta, you cannot walk into a pediatrician's office or book an appointment by yourself. No, you must be referred. So when they refer you, you don't dare tell them that you don't like the time they've given you.

Which then leads me to question, if you know a 2 year old is coming into the office, would you not know that at 1:40 in the afternoon they would be napping? Sheesh!

Anyhow, I was a bit concerned at first as usually M is fast asleep by 1pm. So, we headed out early and stopped at Safeway for lunch. Have you ever eaten at Safeway for lunch? I mean one of the good Safeways that have the Sandwiches and everything. Ours is especially yummy because it has freshly made sushi in the store and piping hot chinese food that is actually good!

Sorry, I digressed there. We ate a yummy lunch of sushi, chinese food and chocolate milk of course, which gave us enough energy to make it to the doctor's appointment. 3 potty stops later and we made it through!

But now it was 2:15 and he wasn't showing a sign of being tired. What to do? Chapter's was next door, so we went over to buy the Hallowe'en costume that I had been looking at for M. That took us darn near 45 minutes for some reason, and Mr. M was getting a tad bit cranky in the store. What to do?

Aha. Starbucks. you take a 2 year old to starbucks? uh huh. One chocolate banana smoothie and one gingerbread cookie later and we've had enough sugar to make it through the day. (I wouldn't recommend doing this on a daily basis though).





Got home and met half the cul-de-sac moms and kids playing outside, so M ran around and burned off a bit more.

Had a quick supper, then dashed off to swimming lessons. Mommy did lessons solo today (usually it's a team sport). Phew! It's hard work lifting up 35 pounds when they sing songs during the lessons and you're supposed to lift the kid out of the water like a rocket. My arms are feeling it today!

Sorry, digressed again. None the less, we made it home safe and sound, M went to bed without much issue and told me "I had a great sleep last night Mommy!" when he woke up today :O)

Out of the Blue Queston of the Day

....from the 2 Year Old of course....


"What makes soup hot?"

If he asks me this now.....

M is not even 2 1/2 yet but it seems like in the last month or so he has become a flurry of non-stop questions.

The questions come particularly at bedtime. And don't think that you can get away with ignoring him. He has no problem repeating the question for 2 minutes until you answer him!

So last night...

m: Where do Mommy's come from?

M: (thinking oh boy..) From Grandmas... When Mommy was a liiittttle baby, she was inside Grandma's tummy, just like you were inside Mommy's tummy.

m: So where did I come from?

M: You came from in Mommy's tummy.

m: How did I get out of your tummy?

M: Mommy's have a special place just for babies to come out.

m: Can I see it?

M: No!

m: How did I get into Mommy's tummy?

M: God put you there.

then we had silence for a few minutes. I feared what the heck he was pondering next.
And he said...

m: When I was a liiiitttle baby, God came down from the sky. He came into my house and came up the stairs into my room. He put me into your tummy!

uh huh, something like that....

Out of the Blue Question of the Day

... and today's question was...

"what's a girl?"

Out of the Blue Question of the Day

asked by my 2 year old...

Where do cartoons live?

M, the cat whisperer.....

So the other day we were getting ready to go out somewhere and I could hear M muttering something over and over and could see that he was near one of the cats.

It sounded to me like he was saying "no one can take your purse, it's inside of you.." huh? This didn't make sense, but it seemed vaguely familiar to me for some reason. Then it clicked! He was reciting one of the lines from one of the stories we read, except he was saying,

"No one can take your purrr.. it's inside of you." ... from the story of the little cat who can't find his purr.

So I said, "Oh! No one can take your purr because it's inside of you... that's right M!"

To which he said, "Not you Mommy, Token! (the cat)"

And then it all made sense to me. He was over in the corner petting the cat and whispering to him "no one can take your purr.. it's inside of you."

Glad to know my cats can get therapy when they need it right here at home!

Bit by Bit

Today is a much better day than yesterday was.

When I went to see my doctor, she wanted me to be off work for a few weeks. She wanted to make sure that I was healed both physically and mentally before I went back to the grind of every day life. As she put it make sure there isn't a lot of "baggage" going back with you as well. So she gave me some tasks:

1) Take time for yourself. Grieve. Reflect. Think. Whatever. I have done that. I am trying to do that more often and regularly. Another lesson from all of this is to remember time for me.

2) Do something with your time that give you a sense of accomplishment. Positive endorphines help in the physical and emotional healing process. In other words, there are/were times for laying in bed watching 10 episodes of Grey's straight, but I couldn't do that forever.

So, I have two projects that are helping me quite a bit.

The first is to exercise every day. For two reasons. I can't wear maternity clothes forever and a miscarriage does this real cruel thing of leaving extra weight on your body that isn't as easy to get rid of as when you breastfeed. I also find that after I exercise, I feel so much better the rest of the day. The load on my heart is lightened just a bit and I can enjoy time with Matthew and have the energy to get the laundry done. I am on day 4 of exercising and it is working, so I will stick with it come hell or high water!

Second, I'm organizing. I don't know what the word or disesase is for a person like me, but I feel like the universe is lined up when things are organized. That certainly doesn't mean I'm good at keeping things organized. But, with each trick I learn, it gets easier and better. For some reason, the sense of accomplishment I feel after getting the pantry straightened out or filing our papers also makes my day go so much better.

So that's pretty much what I'm up to. M is becoming a very good organizer too... except while I'm organizing in one place, he's usually re-organizing something else for me at the same time :O)

Healing.....Missing You

Most days I think I'm better. I'm going about the things that I do and going on with life. Then there are days like today. I had to go see my doctor for the first time after and all of a sudden out it all came.

It still hurts so much. But I still firmly believe that our little baby went straight to heaven and we'll meet her one day.

Today is the National Day of Rememberance for Infant Loss and Miscarriage. I never even knew there was such a day. Now I feel a bit more like I have to carry a banner for all those women who've lost babies early and later on. I feel for all of them because I never knew it could hurt as much as it does, even when we only knew she existed for 2 months.

I found comfort today reading the comments at Bring the Rain. There are so so many women who have to write the same story as me. It's not fair, but life isn't fair. I take comfort to know there are those who were able to move on and who confirm that they never forget. That might be one of my biggest wonders is that I'll forget some day. But I know I won't.

I wouldn't have thought twice about it before, but I'm sure there is someone out there you know who misses their baby somewhere. Say a prayer for them today.

"Missed you before I met you..."

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I am doing better. I still have my moments, but I'm sure I will for a while. However much I am still grieving, I have a lot to be thankful for and I hope you do too.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband. This experience has only brought us closer and stonger as a couple.

I am thankful for my wonderful little boy who is the light of our lives.

I am thankful that I have a good job and an understanding company who will allow me the time to get through this and get back on my feet.

I am thankful for the support of my family and my friends. I am thankful that this experience has reconnected me to friends that I hadn't spoken with in years.

I am thankful that there is still hope.

Have a wonderful (hopefully not too snowy) day with your loved ones tomorrow :o)

Knowing Me, Knowing You - October Edition

ok, my blog needs some lightening up - Thanks Shan for providing an opportunity. For more Knowing Me, Knowing you - visit Shan over at the Fairy Blogmother

1. Crunchy peanut butter or smooth?

Crunchy. But I'm the only one in the family who likes it, so I always give in and buy smooth.... unless I buy a little jar just for me!


2. Do you do any volunteer work? (No judgment, just curious. I'm always on the look out for new ways to get involved.... like I have time for more stuff.)

I really wish I did more, but I do very little. I use having the 2 year old as an excuse, but it's probably not a very good one.


3. What's your favourite cold weather drink?

Warm Tea


4. What is your favourite holiday?

Thanksgiving. I love fall. I love the colours, I love the big harvest moons and I love harvesting all of the goodies that I've worked hard all summer to grow.


5. Okay quick - you gotta hop a plane right now, to anywhere with anyone - where do you go and with who?

I'm taking hubby and we're going to the smallest deserted island I can find that has those hotel rooms that are right over the water and crystal clear water and white sand and NO SNOW!

Thank-You

I no longer feel the need to spontaneously start crying, but I still feel just a dark weight on my heart. I know, it just takes time.

Thank-you ~

To all my friends & family, near and far who have written, phoned, sent flowers, brought supper, taken Matthew and I for walks... every one of you have made such a huge difference to me. Thank-you for caring so much. Your thoughts and support have been a band-aid over the broken pieces. They have helped my healing more than you realize. Not to be cliched, but you really have raised me up.

Love,
Erin

Healing

There is something so powerful about music, that can help to heal your soul.
If you know me well, you know that Josh Groban is my most favourite artist, well ever.

"To where you are" was the first time I ever heard his voice. I still remember the place - in a parking lot of the furniture store and I wondered who had that gorgeous voice.

This song helped the hurt when my Grandpa died some years ago. I hadn't thought of it until tonight.

Thank goodness for music.. it helps.

Healing

I didn't write this poem, but it was in one of the pamphlets that they gave us at the hospital about miscarriage. Most of the information just went in one ear and out the other, but this stuck with me and I know I'll refer back to it whenever I'm having a bad day.


I wonder, oh I wonder,
where the little faces go.
That come and smile and stay awhile,
and pass like flakes of snow.
The dear, wee baby faces that
the world has never known.
But mothers hide, so tender-eyed
deep in their hearts alone.
I love to think that somewhere,
in the country we call heaven,
the land most fair of anywhere,
will unto them be given.

Healing

I guess I could say I'm feeling a bit better, physically anyway. The hard part is trying to get back to the real world. I can't hide under the covers forever. I need to start doing everyday things again. I bathed M last night and we had a ball, giggling and laughing. We made rain showers and splashed water everywhere. Normally, I would have stopped it long before as it was soaking our entire bathroom, but last night I didn't care. I needed those few minutes where everything else was forgotten and all we felt was pure joy. I no longer feel the need to cry at ever single instance that reminds me of being pregnant, but I walk along feeling like I have a rock in my stomach. Something at the pit of my stomach that won't go away.

It's almost like I've convinced myself that I never was pregnant, that it was a dream or something. Is that your body's way of trying to protect you or something? It's literally been 2 days and already I'm almost fitting back into regular clothes. Something that took weeks to get out of, reverts almost instantly. The belly is gone and I no longer look like I'm pregnant.

It will get better, I know it will. But everyone thinks time will just go on and I'll forget about it and get pregnant with another baby. That's not fair. They don't know that it was a life that we created that is gone. I need to honor that life. I know how and we will when the time comes and that will help us both to heal and have closure and move on but never forget the little butterfly baby that we lost.

In the hospital, I said a prayer with the chaplain and made sure that the little soul had made its way to heaven which I'm pretty sure angel babies instantly do. I know her little soul is safe with God. And I know God will help me to heal too.

Healing

I haven't written for a long time, I can't believe it's been 3 months. Summer just flew by and it never seemed like I made time to write. I have so much to tell and say but for the next while, I need to use my blog for me. I hope you don't mind. You are all so welcome to read it too, but please know I am writing these words for me. They won't come out perfect and polished, but they will help me to get through this.

Earlier this week we were excited to announce that we were expecting a new addition next spring. But yesterday we found out it wasn't meant to be. Our little angel just didn'r have what it needed to be able to make it to the outside world, so God decided to take her (I think it was a girl, but I don't know) back with him to heaven so that we could have a little guardian angel watching over us.

I have known people who have had miscarriages before and while I've felt for them, I don't think I've ever realized how much pain losing a baby, even as small as she was can cause. I hate thinking that it was only a little fetus. It was a baby. It did have a heart that beat and it did have hands and feet and I saw it's little body on the screen.

My heart hurts so much right now. I know that in time it will get better, I know that in time we will hopefully get pregnant again, but it doesn't help the hurt to go away.

I'm happy

I'm happy that I'm finally finding a few moments to blog here and there. I blog because these are the moments of our lives that I want to remember in years to come!

I'm happy because it's green outside. I love to see my garden (which I will show you soon, I promise) start to pop up with green everywhere... finally makes all the work in the beginning worthwhile.

I'm happy because my never ending organization project throughout my house shows tiny signs of improvement here and there and I'm happy when we start to make a habit and keep things the way they're supposed to be organized.

I'm happy because right now I'm feeling that elusive balance. Not sure how long it will stay, but so happy that it's here for a while :o)

Ahh... Summer...

Thank goodness it's summer at last!
There is something about being able to type at the computer at 10:30 at night and it still be light outside! There is a cool breeze blowing through the house tonight and it couldn't be a more perfect time to lay in bed and relax!

So, I'm off to bed, but hope to share with you a glimpse of this year's garden tomorrow...

Night all!

Where to Start...

You know when you haven't done something for soo long that you don't even really know where to start? Well, that's me and blogging right now.
May and most have June have been ridiculously busy. It had seemed as though most weekends were planned for us and weekends tend to be the only time that I get to spend on the computer by myself.

...thinking maybe I'll designate Tuesday nights as blog nite. If DH can go out and play hockey twice a week, then I can lock myself in the office and blog to my hearts content once a week, can't I? LOL

I caught myself a nice summer flu bug. It sucks. It sucks because I should probably be resting but that's impossible when you have a list a mile long of things you want to do over the summer! Luckily today, the icky, headachy, flu part seems over and I'm just enjoying a nice cough and sore throat. Aren't I lucky? I'm sure the rest of my clan will get it soon as when your 2 year old is climbing all over you all day, it seems impossible to not get your germs on him somehow.

Spread sand in the backyard for a good chunk of today. We're working towards getting patio blocks down and finally being able to enjoy our backyard. Step 2 needs to be the shed. We desperately need a shed. I'm sick and tired of seeing everything we own for use outside in the backyard! Patience, I know, we'll get it done sooner or later.

Can hear M and DH playing hockey downstairs.. think I'll go join them for a while. That's all for now folks. Oh, and I joined the twitter revolution.... great, one more think to eat up the last ounce of free time I had! But it's soo much fun :O)

Talk soon,
Erin

The Climb

I've been wanting to write this post for a while.

I've kept quiet about it though, because I didn't want to jinx myself.

Today, I did something I've never done and I'm darn proud of myself. But more on that later.

I always thought I'd be writing this post about the thing I did and about how great I felt because I did it, but as I drove home from Saskatoon last week I heard this song. (turn on your sound if you're not sure what I'm talking about).

I realized that I am more proud of my own climb than I am of reaching the top of my mountain.

My story started in Grade 5. I was never good at sports. The only track and field event I can remember being chosen for was ball throw, and I only got a Participation badge for the Canada Fitness testing, when everyone else in the class got at least bronze or better. There were only two of us that got participation badges. Me and Michelle who was a much larger girl than me in grade 5, and we both couldn't do the required amount of pushups. My teacher made us go up in front of the class for one last try to see if we could do them. We couldn't. And so, just the two us got our participation badges.

That feeling never left me. That feeling that I was not athletic. That feeling that I couldn't play sports. As a grade five kid, I probably should have let it go, but for some reason, I've never been able to.


Today, I'm free.



Today, I proved to myself that I am athletic. I proved to myself that I will like this sport.



Today




I




ran




10K.


A year ago, I would have told myself I could have never done this. But, I started in January, and I didn't give up. That is what I am most proud of myself for.
It wasn't easy, and I had lots of ups and downs, but I stuck with it for 5 months, and I did it.

If you're reading this and you run regularly, 10k probably doesn't seem like a big deal. I couldn't run all the way around the 200m track when I started. I could barely run for 1 minute without having to stop.

But today I did it!!!!


0km I'm nervous, I'm excited, I hope I get through this.
2km I'm already feeling a little tired, but I'm still in aerobic mode, I think.
3km Keep going....
4km At this point, I seriously want to just cut in with the people already headed back, think they'll notice?
5km Ok, you're halfway there, and this is how much you can run well. You can do the rest!
6km Listen to your music, listen to your music
7km Sponges! Gatorade! Energy Gel!
8km Ooh, a burst of energy.. you can do it
9km Walking and running in smaller spurts. I'm tired, but I can do it
9.5km A hill?? You've got to be kidding! I'm walking this
9.8km I see the end! No stopping now.. you can do it, you can do it!
10km I really can't believe I just did this :O)



*******************
Update:
1576 936/1165 F 174/209 Female 30-34 6171 1:16:39 1:15:25 7:33 Erin James Calgary AB

And I didn't even finish last!!!! There were 500 people behind me ;o)

You Would Think We Would Change

I'm at home in Saskatoon right now visiting family. Last Saturday, I attended a mini "reunion" with my elementary school friends. Yes, that's right, I said my elementary school friends. I bet not very many of you have had a reunion with your elementary school friends, now have you?

First off, I have to say for all the times I don't like Facebook, our little reunion wouldn't have been possible without Facebook. I am quite certain that the majority of us who did show up would not have known where each other were if it weren't for Facebook, so I guess the program does have a few good things about it, doesn't it?

Now, again, I say "reunion" very loosely. It ended up being about 10 of us and 1 teacher from our grade 8 class getting together. The group of them toured our old school in the morning, but we were just travelling to Saskatoon on Saturday, so I didn't attend that part. I caught up with them for drinks at a local pub in the evening.

I have to admit, throughout the afternoon, I was contemplating not going at all. You see, back in elementary school, I wasn't one of the cool kids. You'd think I would have gotten over that after almost 20 years, but I don't think it really ever leaves you completely.

But, I told myself that I was successful and I did well for myself and I should go and catch up with everyone else!

I had butterflies in my stomach as I walked up to the pub. Can you believe it? I mean these were kids that I met almost 30 years ago! It took only a few minutes of stepping inside and I felt like I went back 18 years, in good and bad ways.

Of course we have all somewhat grown up and everyone seemed genuinely happy to see each other. A reunion, in the 2 that I've been to, seems to bring out two groups of people: the really popular ones and the really nerdy ones. The ones in between usually don't show up. Me? I don't want to think I fell into the really nerdy category, but I sure wasn't really popular either! I guess I'm one of the few inbetweens who showed up.

We ended up having some great chats and gossiping about everyone in our class and where they were today and what they were doing. We talked about the things that used to go on in elementary school, some of which I never remember actually hearing about!

The first observation that I thought I made was that nobody ever really changes. The popular girl still showed up looking all popular, the funny guys were still cracking stupid jokes like they were still 13, the weird, quiet kid who always used to stare at me still stared at me and still gave me the creepies and the nerdy one still lives at home, and the good student, good girl image that I used to protray couldn't leave me either, no matter how hard I tried.

But I was wrong: After 20 years, the popular girl was chatting with everyone, the funny guys were chatting with everyone, the weird, quiet kid even talked with eveyrone and the nerdy kid chatted with everyone. Even though at first glance it seemed as though we were all the same, we've all grown up and I think we've realized how silly all of those labels once were.

We all had fun and I left with hugs and email addresses and a feeling of being one in the same.... finally.

G.O.N.E. 2009

I have been getting together with a great group of girls that I used to work with in Vancouver for the last 4 years. We've known each other for almost 10 years now and since I've moved to Calgary, we've managed to keep in touch through emails and phone calls and a yearly get together we call G.O.N.E.

G.O.N.E.? Girls Only, No Exceptions! We held our first GONE event in the spring of 2005 in Whistler BC. We decided if the event was going to continue, it needed a name and after a few drinks and a beaver tale in the town of Whistler at 2am, GONE was born and has stuck ever since.

GONE 2005 part deux was in Victoria.
GONE 2006 was enjoyed at the newly built chez James in Calgary while we enjoyed the Stampede and in particular the Bucking Breakfast (I not need to say more..)
GONE 2007 was in Gibsons, BC, although I had to miss this one because I had a brand new baby boy to look after!
GONE 2008 was in Vegas Baby and celebrated 2 out of the 6 of us getting married!
and GONE 2009 was celebrated this past weekend at a very relaxing resort in Kelowna, BC.

Unfortunately, one of the six GONE girls couldn't make it, but we knew she was there in spirit!

Where, in the past, our weekends have been filled with fun events, we truly had a great time just relaxing and catching up on gossip in our rented villa at the Manteo resort. I would highly recommend this resort if you are ever looking to go to Kelowna.




Dinner. It is important to still eat healthy to "balance" all the chocolate, wine (or near beer), cake, chips, m&m's and more we consumed! (I forgot to mention that 3/5 of us, present company excluded, were expecting!)





Julie - my cooking companion. We felt sorry for all those pregnant girls and cooked dinner while they put their feet up :op





Sunday morning brunch at Summerhill Winery. Great food, great view and great conversation!





I usually get to stay out of pictures, being the photographer, but my camera was hijacked!



More conversation, more laughs....




Here's to hoping we have many more great GONE weekends in the years to come girls! Miss you all already :o(

SERIOUSLY?????

Like, no, Really??? AGAIN???? It's April 26th for crying out loud!



Today, we were at the zoo and I thought, oh! Gee, the tulips are coming up? DUH!! It's almost MAY! Sure doesn't feel like it here.


"The snow came back, the very next day, the snow came back, they thought it was a gonner, but the snow came back, it just couldn't stay away........"

For pete's sake.... sigh...

6:45 a.m.

It's that time of year... aah.... when it's only 6:45 am AND IT'S LIGHT OUT!!!!
Yipee!!!!

You see, I live my life veerrrryyy differently these days! 10 years ago, I would have still been sleeping in on a Saturday morning. 10 years ago, I would have stayed up much past 9pm, but these days, neither has occured for a long, long time.

But don't think I'm complaining, as crazy as it may sound, I actually prefer this time schedule. I've never really been a night owl and I absolutely love the peace of the morning at the crack of dawn.

Peanut is still sleeping (hopefully for at least 15 more minutes) and so is DH (dear hubby). In the coming weekends, as the days get earlier and earlier, I will be outside, barefoot in my garden, listening to the birds as the sun comes up. There is no better place on earth, than being outside with the dew at the crack of dawn. I can't wait!

I have learned that this is my time. I don't get my time very often during the week, during the day, or during the evenings. But this, is my time.

Now, if we could just get rid of the white stuff on the ground, we'll be on our way!

Back from the Big D

So the hubby and I went off on a little adventure down to Dallas this past weekend. Hubby had commitments with work down there and so I decided to tag along, as Grandpa and Grandma were willing to come to Calgary to babysit Matthew.

At first, I was fully expecting the trip to be a lot of alone time for myself, as I thought Hubby had lots of work commitments, but in the end, we got to spend a lot of quality time together, which was nice. Quality time with just the two of us has been lacking for some time and we are realizing that we have to make a point to do things just the two of us and taking advantage of times like this past weekend when we can get away, just the two of us!

Dallas was a pretty cool city, but not as great as Calgary or Vancouver, in terms of the downtown areas. In fact, I thought the downtown core was actually pretty yucky.

We took a few adventures, and I will try post pictures soon. I shopped a lot. A lot more than I intended to, but I found some really great deals and well, you know how it goes. Outlet stores are usually at the top of my list when we go to the states, but for some reason, I didn't even think of them this time until Hubby asked me if I wanted to go when we were down there! Ah, hell ya! If you've never experienced the "premium" outlets chain, you really should when you go down there... so much stuff... so little time (and money)...

My best deal? Two pairs of jeans (regular $85) at my favourite store *Ann Taylor* for $8.73 a pair. Yes, $8.73 a pair. Now, you can't beat that!

Formal, Casual or Hybrid - Part 2

So now you know if you're a formal or casual person... but are you really?
You see, there's part 2 to this story according to Mimi Donaldson.

You can also be very formal or casual with your STUFF. (Ha, I hear my mom laughing right now)...

I may be very formal with my time... but I am quite casual with my stuff! Oh what a shocker eh? So, I am a hybrid.

Now, as a hybrid, I have half a formal self and half a casual self and you can bet that they dual between each other constantly, yet neither has ever been able to completely persuade the other half to join its revolution.

My casual side has always tried to convince the formal side to just "get there when you get there" but oh, my formal side has never let that happen yet.

My formal side is constantly trying to persuade the casual side that it must be more organized around the house that there needs to be places for everything. And yet, I love to try and organize things... I'm just not the worlds best at keeping them that way. None the less, I think formal has an edge of casual in this area. One of these days I will get this place organized once and for all. The funny thing it, Formal already has my office at work organized to a tee, so I can't quite understand why it can't get casual to take a vacation at home too..

Anyhow, as I said in my last post.. you can tell if you're formal or casual with your stuff by looking at your purse. Do you have a specific little pocket for the loonie that you put into the shopping cart!?! Do you have a safety pin and bandaid and a rubber band in a little box in a slot, just in case?? I'm not making fun of you if you do, but if you do, you're a formal stuff person.

This is what my purse does not look like. (yet)



But funny enough, I just read this blog before I was about to post. I am going down to the states in a few weeks, and I am gettin' me one of these purses. Formal stuff will be thrilled! Just imagine the stuff I can keep organized now!

So tell me, now that you know all the sides, what are you???

Are you Formal, Casual or a Hybrid?

I recently went to a Power Within seminar in Calgary. If you've never been or never heard of, I do recommend checking them out (if you like the "get you motivated" type speakers)... one of the speakers there was Mimi Donaldson. I had not really heard or her prior to the event, but she has a book out called Bless this Stress.

So, her talk was on people's personality styles and how that style causes others (co-workers, friends, spouse, etc) stress. She started her talk about describing herself and how she was "formal" (Notice, not right or wrong, just a label)... I realized that I was "formal" when she described how it drives her crazy when her significant other does not leave the house the required 45 minutes before they need to be somewhere (when they really only need 20 to get there)... Yep, that's me. Then she talked about how she always picks the longest line at the checkout and it drives her nuts... well, I always pick the longest line too. It doesn't necessarily drive me crazy, but just the fact that I am thinking that I am in the longest line means I'm "formal"...

So flip the coin and you guessed it... the other half of the population is labelled (I know, labels aren't nice, but just play along for now)... "Casual".... Casual is the definition for my significant other. You know, the person who leaves exactly 8 minutes before we have to be somewhere and either still gets there on time, or gets there 5 minutes late, but couldn't care less one way or another! Formal people, you're rolling your eyes, just like me. Casual people, I know you're saying, "so what's wrong with that!?!"

Now the point of the story is not that you should be one way or another, but that it shouldn't cause you stress because the other half of the population is "the other way".

If you are formal, you also recognize the sound that we all make "ahhhhhhhh (breath in)..... SIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHH (so that the casual person hears you)... Apparently, that causes the Casual people great stress, so I have that on my list to try not to purposely do that (especially when we need to be somewhere for 8pm, it's now 6:30, it takes 20 minutes to get there, but I already have my coat and purse and am waiting for my husband to get ready.... aaaaah....siiiiiggghhhhhhh.....

And, you know what always happens... we get there 45 minutes early and then I don't want to go in, because, well, you never want to be the first people there........ so we sit in the car...... no stress there.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Your purse will also determine your personality style.... and determine if you are truly formal, casual, or a "hybrid"....

9/365

Well, the way I've been blogging lately, it'll take more than a year to get a year of grace in the small things, but that's the way it goes!

~ Longer Evenings, nicer weather, walks outside....
~ Seeing Matthew come out of his shell at the play group
~ hot showers
~ chocolate cupcakes
~ Matthew being able to say new words every day!

Knowing Me... Knowing You... in March

I'm pretty sure I missed February's Knowing Me, Knowing You (I might still do it anyhow)... but here is March's from Shan's blog. Feel free to play along and answer the questions on your own blog (or in the comments section if you don't have a blog).

#1 What is your dream life?

My dream life is to live somewhere with rolling green hills... green as far as the eye can see... That would either be Ireland, or Brag Creek (near Calgary in the foothills of the mountains) for the few months of the year that it appears quite green! I would be financially secure enough to not have to work at my regular job and instead do the things I love... teaching piano, photography, graphic work, gardening, cooking, and spending oodles of hours with my kids!


#2 Do you play games online?

Not anymore... I had to go to scrabblers anonymous after trying it out on Facebook, so I have banned myself from online games.

#3 Seen anything good lately?

My girlfriends and I just saw Nights in Rodanthe It was such a good chick flick and such a good tear jerker... we all enjoyed having a good cry ;o)


#4 What is your favourite pizza combination?

Ham, green pepper and mushroom


#5 How are you with houseplants?

When life isn't crazy, they do well in my house... when life gets crazy, they inevitably end up in the garbage, which means every few years, I end up getting new ones... That doesn't stop me from trying over and over though... I really would like to have more house plants!

...And the Oscar Goes To......

Tonight, I am happily tucked up in my bed, after Matthew has gone to sleep and Darren has gone to hockey, and I am watching the Academy Awards. For someone who honestly cannot remember the last time I sat down and even watched a 30 minute show on TV, this is a big feat for me.

But, it's the Academy Awards, and even when they've seemed cheesy in some years, I can't help but want to tune in.

For a girl who's never really been a natural "girly girl", it's the one time of year where I still like to dream about what it would be like to be there and to be dressed up in a gown like that and walk in front of all those people!

Aren't the awards fabulous this year? I love how the have actors on stage talking directly to the nominees... and Penelope's speech? It was awesome and almost made me cry!

Some year, I will be there. It is on my list (someday I'll share my list with you). I missed it by a week this year, but some year, some how, I will get to experience some part of it.

And by the way, for those of you who razzed me about Keith Urban before, Hugh Jackman is at the top of my list as well, and wasn't he terrific in the opening today? By the way, did I ever tell you I was thiiiiiisssss close to meeting him once? Outside a venue in Vancouver.... but I was too chicken to go up to him.... sure wish I would have now...

Enjoy the rest of the Oscars girls!

What a beautiful morning...

ahh... now I know this vacation will be worth it... mornings! I am not a night owl, in fact, since going back to work for a 6am start, I've gotten my schedule quite turned around. So much so, that sleeping in until 6:30 is a long time for me!

However, I realized this morning upon waking at 6:30 that the sun was coming up.... it was quiet in the house and I could just get up, sit on the couch and read a book. I may in fact, go to the gym in a while, but I am relishing a sunrise and total silence right now ;o)

Grace in the small things....

Going away for a while has reinforce how important and enjoyable it is to savour all of the small things in life...

... snuggling with Matthew in the living room chair and watching Winnie the Pooh on TV
... realizing that although he didn't sit still for 3 straight hours on the plane, he was still an amazingly well behaved child on the plane. no meltdowns!
... a shower with two shower heads on either side.. now that's luxury....
... feeling the ocean breeze through our window
... watching the waves crash in on the shore
... raindrops from a light misty rain
... Ann Taylor stores, I wish we had those!
... finding 30 new kids books for Matthew for $35!
... Matthew starting to enjoy reading books and actually requesting that we read to him!
... Matthew wanting Mommy and Daddy to hold boo bear's paw as well as his while he falls asleep
... Matthew falling asleep in my arms on the plane like he used to when he was a little baby
... Matthew getting very excited about playing with the GPS in the front of the car
... Matthew sitting on Daddy's lap and pretending that he can drive the car
... all of Matthew's first words....
... getting to spend some quality, uninterrupted, family time together.

7/365

~ cheese (I'll explain tomorrow)
~ salsa (I'll explain tomorrow)
~ my bed

6/365

Finding grace in the little things...

~ like being thankful in this economy that I have a steady job, even when as the alarm rings at 4:30, it's the last place I feel like going.
~ I got some exercise in at lunch today and felt great the entire afternoon
~ Daddy and Matthew get to spend some boy time together upstairs while Mommy teaches piano

Finally

I finally found some bubble bath that is made of all natural ingredients! Poor Matthew had not experienced the joys of a real bubble bath yet because I refused to use those cheap soapy ones on him. I found this one by accident at our local Natural foods store and it works just as well as the cheap stuff! By that, I mean, without soap agents, I didn't expect it to be as foamy as bubble bath, but it works wonderfully and it perfectly safe for little skin!

Thought I'd pass it along to you too....


DermaMed Bubble Bath

*******************

5/365

1. Matthew's excitement as he saw the big hippo come around the corner underwater, at the zoo
2. Sunshine.. beautiful sunshine today!
3. bubble bath and splashing in the tub

Come on People....

I spent a good chunk of my Saturday afternoon outside chopping ice. Why was I doing it and not my husband, you ask? Well, he had kindly taken Matthew to the store for a couple of hours to let me get some things done around the house, so while Matthew was napping, I only thought it fair that he had some time to himself too.

But seriously, myself and my other neighbour Holly were out there chopping away at EVERYONE ELSE's mess, so that we can get the flow of water heading to the drain. I mean, it seemed like not one of our neighbours could care less.

Finally, neighbour #3 came out and helped to dig a trough to get the water moving, but in some places (where people haven't shovelled all winter), the ice is 4 inches thick.

Sheesh!



now onto the calming things.....
************************************************
4/365

1. we are blessed with enough stuff to be able to give some of it away. It feels good to give it away!
2. afternoon naps
3. Matthew identifying "Don" (AKA Don Cherry) on the TV
4. Daddy taking on bath duties, giving Mommy a few minutes to blog.

3/365

Tonight we enjoyed family pizza night. It is going to become tradition now that Matthew has decided it is fun to eat pizza the traditional way! Matthew also had lots of fun eating the ham as it went on and eating lots of cheese :O)

Grace 2/365

Ah, what a day today. Good, but busy. Usually by Thursday I'm pretty wiped out and looking forward to the weekend. I'm not even sure what it is that makes me so tired. Sometimes I think its just me worrying about what I didn't get done or what didn't get cleaned. All things to let go of I know, but not always easy.

2/365:

~ Matthew holding my hand while he falls asleep. Some will say I shouldn't do this because he won't learn to sleep on his own, but he's only little for a little while, and I cherish those little moments

~ Nana gathering and sorting the recycling for us today

~ it was so nice to walk from the parking lot to my car and feel the warm sunshine and a cool breeze on my face today. Again, we are so lucky to live where we do.

Grace in Small Things.... 1/365

I came across a blog today that talked about celebrating the smallest things that grace your life today or in the past. I think it is a great way and see if I can do this too. I'm sure I won't get to post every day but I'll try my best! Think I can?

Day 1:

1. Matthew cuddling on my lap. I love to smell his hair after it's freshly washed.
2. It is going to be +10 tomorrow. I love where I live!
3. I don't have to worry about Matthew anymore through the day. He is well cared
for by Nan.
4. I have a nice vehicle to drive in, with heated seats (that I won't need tomorrow)
5. 6 years ago I picked out the most cuddly cat in the world who has become my best
friend.

Welcome to my new blog!

Welcome to my new blog... a place for just me! I look forward to sharing recipes, tips, stories, opportunities to vent... whatever comes across my mind!

As always, I welcome any and all comments.

So what's first on the plate? How about Knowing Me, Knowing You... (questions courtesy of my bloggy friend Shan)

1. Making any New Year's resolutions this year or do you think the whole idea of resolutions is ridiculous?

I don't like the idea of resolutions, but I just like the idea of "keep these things in the back of your mind"... so this year, in the back of my mind, I will..

Try to encorporate more whole foods into our meals and diet
Turn exercising into something fun (hello Chariot stroller and Wii fit!)
Remember to stop and play with lego (or whatever else Matthew has out at the time)
Care less if the house is not clean and more if I haven't had Matthew time


2. Read/Watched anything good?

Haven't done either since I went back to work. But I choose to use my free time mostly working on this or that project on photoshop so I really can't complain. (I just need to by a lot of "complete sets" of shows when they come out on dvd!)


3. Blog you can't stop reading...

I love V and Co.. She has such great ideas and the type of decorating style that I wish I had but don't!

4. George Clooney and Brad Pitt are together on the cover of the French edition of GQ. You can check out the sexiness here. Quick question..... who's hotter?

I guess if I have to choose, Brad, but really, I don't care for either.. now Keith Urban is another story ;o)


5. When it comes to movies do you prefer the theater or dvd?

Definitely Theater. Probably because I don't remember what one looks like inside...


So that's it! looking forward to sharing more of me in the future... Feel free to play along with Shan's KMKY here.