There are Days Like Today

There are days like today when all I want to do is run away... far, far away....

Do you other moms out there have days like today?  A day when it seems like all you can see is every inch of dirt in your house.  A day when you want to hire every housekeeper that you could find because you feel like you're just going up the escalator the wrong way.

Today was one of those days.

Some days, I just can't do it.  There is a lot of stress at work right now.  Things getting shuffled, people getting moved.... change.  And don't we all love change.    Come home, see mess.  Child wants to play.  Feel torn between going to play and going to clean.

aargh....

Mondays are especially nuts days because I throw piano lessons into the mix.  Well then why do you do it you might ask?   Because not every day is like today.  I teach only because I love teaching.  Not because I need the money because 2 hours a week doesn't buy me much.  But I always wanted to be a teacher, and some eensy weensy part of me regrets not doing that and this is how I compromise.  I really do love it and I really do love my kids.

But there are days like today when all I want to do is run away... far, far away....

When I put M to bed, he tells me that he "wants to have a short nap so we can play" and "what do you want to do when I wake up??"  This question tears my heart out every time because the next sentence has to be "sweetie, Mommy has to work tomorrow", which is followed by "I don't like it when Mommy works.  It makes me sad..."

So why don't I just quit work then, you might ask?   Because I love my job.  Because I don't think I would be a whole person if I couldn't satisfy that part of my life that craves the challenges and makes my brain grind.   Does that make me less of a mom?  I hope not. 

But there are days like today when all I want to do is run away, far, far away.....

So, I am asking you, other moms out there, to tell me... how do you do it?  And do you ever feel like you want to run far, far away?   Maybe I'm the only one out there who feels like this, particularly around the 3rd week of every month (get my drift?) but I suspect not.

I do everything I do because it makes me who I am.  I give 110% of my energy to M when I can because I love him more than anything in the world.  I give my energy to my husband because I love him more than anything in the world.  I give my energy to my job because I love the satisfaction my job gives me.  I give my energy to my passions - to piano, to photography, to cooking, to gardening, because they make me whole. 

My challenge is only to figure out how to divide up the pie each and every day and that, my friends, is something I'm still learning.  There may be days like today when I want to run away, but really, in the end, I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world. 

There are days like today when I want to run far, far away... but they are luckily few and far between and even if I do run away, by tomorrow, I'll want to come back.