Healing

***Warning*** This is one of those posts that's intended for me, not you, so here's your out if you don't want to read... I am needing to write this morning.

For the most part, I feel much better. I feel like I am back to my regular self during the day. It's just at night, when I lay down to fall asleep, that that little weight plops itself right on my heart and just won't go away. I know, that still just takes time.

What worries me more though, is that I wake up at night with that same gut-wrenching feeling that I had that night, waking up at 3am and realizing that you're bleeding. I've never felt anything like it before. It is horrible. And it comes back to visit.

As much as I want to and know I will get pregnant again, I am scard to. I am scared that I won't enjoy the next pregnancy because I will worry about every single little twinge. I will be scared to experience that gut wrenching feeling again for real. I tell myself that chances are, everything will be fine next time. I tell myself that I felt twinges with M and he was perfectly fine. But I'm not sure I will believe myself. That, I'm just not sure how to fix.